i am me...

Watta?!?!?!

2006-08-08T00:53:00.000-07:00

start of the week for me is not that good & smooth as i expected to be...it frustrates me til now...dunno y, but that's what i really feel right now...sleepy, moody, frustrated and hot tempered...sleepy, kasi malamang kulang ako sa tulog...moody, kasi ewan ko, gusto ko lang & likas na skin yun e...frustrated, coz of work (issues, issues & issues)--i feel stupid tuloy...and the feeling na gusto mong magcomment but you don't have a choice but to keep quiet na lang and let things be what it is to be for them! unfair talaga minsan..pero ano ba naman and sino ba naman kami to comment or give violent reactions diba? isa lamang kaming hamak na developer na feeling ko there are times na they treat us like robots or super humans which is not...napapagod din utak & isipan namin noh! hmmm...meron pa ba ko nun? hehehe =P siguro naman noh, kasi nakagawa ako nitong blog na toh! hihihi ;)) nakakatamad tuloy, nakakawalang gana lalo na magtrabaho sa ngayon...pero kelangan para mabuhay & magkafuture...gusto ko ng out of town for a week!gusto ko munang ilayo utak ko sa mga bullshit na issues na yan, di na natapos! may usapan, di naman nasusunod yung usapan! paksiyet na yan, ano yun, gaguhan?! ayoko pa naman sa lahat gaguhan...napakatino kong kausap tapos ganun...kaasar...kakasira ng araw & ng mga araw...san ka pa?!...may structure nga pero di naman nasusunod most of the time...ang gulo pa rin and lalong gumulo...pusa!nakakawindang siya in fairness...buti na lang karamihan ng kasamahan ko or lahat na ata e masayang kasama...pano na kaya kung hindi? makatagal pa kaya ko? kayanin kaya ng powers ko? hihihi :D

eh yun...wala na kong masabi...nakakatamd na rin magisip sa ngayon e...yun lang po...

23rd of April 2006 07:30PM

2006-07-03T02:52:00.000-07:00

Mah - Dah

Leaving Yesterday Behind

2006-02-21T17:27:00.000-08:00

***

Since you left me, I never really tried

To put my life at where it should belong

And I've always let the past come back

I'm realizing that it could be wrong

But now I fin'lly knew

I had to let it go

To make way for a brighter tomorrow

So now I'm leaving yesterday behind

And fin'lly I've made up my mind

To let the mem'ries stay away

And think about today

I'm leaving yesterday behind

'Cause now I'll try to live my life once more

The way I did before

Since I know that I never will forget

The memories that made my yesterday

I will try not to let it interfere

The choices I will make along the way
'Cause I'm not livin' in a world of fantasy

I'm here now in the world of reality

***

The Awakening

2006-02-06T04:51:00.000-08:00

Revised Edition

A time comes in my life when i finally get it...when, in the midst of all my fears and insanity, i stop dead in my tracks and somewhere the voice inside my head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.

Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, i blink back my tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is my awakening.

I realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

I realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with me... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

I awaken to the fact that i am not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what i am... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

I learn the importance of loving and championing myself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

I stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to me - or didn't do for me - and i learn that the only thing i can really count on is the unexpected.

I learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for me and that everything isn't always about me.

So, I learn to stand on my own and to take care of myself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

I stop judging and pointing fingers and i begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

I learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.

I begin reassessing and redefining who i am and what i really stand for.

I learn the difference between wanting and needing and i begin to discard the doctrines and values i've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

I learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and i stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for my next fix.

I learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which i must build a life.

I learn that i don't know everything, it's not my job to save the world and that i can't teach a pig to sing. I learn that the only cross to bear is the one i choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then i learn about love. I learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. I learn that alone does not mean lonely.

I stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. I learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

I also stop working so hard at putting my feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring my needs. I learn that my body really is my temple. I begin to care for it and treat it with respect. I begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

I learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so i take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So i take more time to laugh and to play.

I learn that, for the most part, i get in life what i believe i deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, i learn that in order to achieve success, i need direction, discipline and perseverance. I also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

I learn the only thing i must truly fear is fear itself.

I learn to step right into and through my fears because i know that whatever happens, i can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on my own terms.

I learn to fight for my life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

I learn that life isn't always fair, i don't always get what i think i deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and i learn not to always take it personally.

I learn that nobody's punishing me and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. I learn to admit when i am wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

I learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of me and poison the universe that surrounds me.

I learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, i begin to take responsibility for myself by myself and i make myself a promise to never betray myself and to never, ever settle for less than my heart's desire.

I make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

I hang a wind chime outside my window so i can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in my heart, i take a stand, i take a deep breath, and i begin to design the life i want to live as best i can.

Life is indeed very, very beautiful…
We just make it so difficult by spending most of our time on the things that are not so important.....
Stop and smell the flowers....
Don't wait for the time to come when all you can say and hope is "I should have done this or I should have done that."
Love deeply, Laugh loudly. Hope...Dream.... and be happy.

As they say, Happiness is a Journey and not s destination...
Work like you don’t need money, dance like nobody's watching and love like you've never been hurt!!!

Bowling - 2nd Session

2006-02-01T04:21:00.000-08:00

31 Jan 2006

2nd session is quite ok compared to our 1st, mas mataas nakuha naming scores yun nga lang bumaba yung rank namin...from 8th placer, 9th na lang kami...pero ok lang, what important is we had fun & we enjoyed it :D may 3rd and 4th session pa naman e...how i wish may improvement na score ko..hehehe...

GO BLACK TEAM!!! =P

On My Own

2006-01-25T18:19:00.000-08:00

EPONINE

And now I'm all alone again

Nowhere to turn no one to go to,

Without a home, without a friend,

Without a face to say hello to

And now the night is near

Now I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night

When everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and then I'm happy

With the company I'm keeping

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head.

***

On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone, I walk with him till morning

Without himI feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way I close my eyes

And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me for ever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And although I know that he is blind

Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him

But when the night is over

He is gone, the river's just a river

Without him the world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere

The streets are full of strangers

I love him

But every day I'm learning

All my life I've only been pretending

Without me his world will go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known!

I love him...I love him...I love him

But only on my own.

***

Bowling - 1st Session

2006-01-24T19:01:00.000-08:00

24 Jan 2006
first session of our team bowling competiton...
7:30pm @ superbowl, makati cinema square...

lane 1, lane 2, lane 3, lane 4, lane 5, lane 6, lane 7, lane 8, lane 9, lane 10...green team, yellow team, black team, white team, gray team, red team, light blue team, navy blue team, pink team, orange team...Go black team--8th placer!!! hehehe :D

it's tiring but enjoying! kahit di marunong sige pa rin, masaya pa rin...sabi nga sa slogan namin "it's not about winning the game, it's about winning camaraderie" =P what important is that we had fun, we had time to bond w/ each other, we had time to relax our minds in all our worries & not to mention in our work loads..hehe =P

team mates (black & navy blue team)

bongster, ate gracey, me, tin, ate armie, xel & ryan

the moves

Meeting...Meeting...Meeting...

2006-01-20T03:00:00.000-08:00

this day is full of exciting activities, puro meeting, hehe...thank God it's friday!Ü lunch out meeting with my co-key developers and our tech lead @ guilligan's island...

Agenda:
- Team Structure * henkel benelux pa rin ako...walang bago, hehe...buti pa cla belle 3 na silang key devs...and welcome to our new co-key devs jaja, josh & ate weng :-)

- Bowling Competition * exciting mostly sasama na...yahoooo!!! :D

- Others *can't remember na kung may napagusapan about dito...as far as i know dapat about c&b ito pero di naopen...hehe =P

another shot =P

sir poli's taking orders :D

hmmm...sarap kumain...pero picture picture muna ;))

peace ^__^ w/ jaja and ate weng

haaay, ang saya saya nito grabe! sana maulit yung ganito, sarap sarap ng food...busog kming lahat...opcors, di mawawala ang picture takings =P it's almost 2pm when we leave the place, then after a couple of minutes when we arrived at the the office...another 3 'o clock meeting with our team mates regarding the bowling competion...and it goes like this...

...picture, picture - smile Ü

yb, ella, belle, tin, me, jack, tey, kris

isa pang pose...Ü

kris ulit, ate kel, ate m2 & sir poli...Ü

tin, ate m2 & sir poli

*meant to be --ate m2* =P

team-ups...*galing "magbunot" ni sir poli --ate kel* =P

Surprise Bday Bash

2006-01-19T03:11:00.000-08:00

17 Jan 2006... we've prepared something surprising for our good looking, headturner and Doc Aga look alike friend, rye...3 days preparations thru ym confe, almost half an hour for us to think of what to order, another half an hour to wait for the celebrant and two and a half hours out-of-office just to celebrate this important day of our friend... :D this event was so unforgettable for all of us since this was the first time we have prepared a surprise party for a friend, a deserving one...Ü all expenses was free for rye =P alam naming nahiya siya na nun pero he don't have any choice but to relax, feel his party & enjoy it w/ us...we're so very happy that we've almost complete the tropa...saya lang kulang kami ng dalawa coz they can't make it coz of work, lunch out kasi e... oh well, kahit ganun we feel their presence naman... =P what important is we had fun and the tropa was still bonded & strong...and there's always next time naman e...for april celebrants naman :D

belated happy bday rye! we luv u!Ü

One Year Grad

2005-11-25T15:30:00.000-08:00

time was too fast...too fast that sometimes you'll never notice some things around you were already changed, too fast that i've almost never notice that its been a year after we march for our graduation...one year ago, we're just an ordinary college students who were so excited to march on stage for our graduation day...preparing our togas and everything =P haaay...i still remember the mix emotion of excitement and a lil bit nervous while were marching--thinking what would happen after our gradutaion...are we going to have a good and stable job after that? will we survive in the real world--in the industry...oh well, i thank God that now--one year have passed we already have our own job...still fighting & surviving...trying to make difference in this world of ours...Ü and the most important & most precious thing to be thank of is--we're still the so called "mga_taong_maraming_ginagawa" who use to have time for each other to know what's happening in each and everyones life, going strong! =P good luck to all of us guys! GOD bless...Luv yah!Ü

The Commentator

2005-11-23T12:00:00.000-08:00

here i am again...mapupudpud na naman utak ko nito eh...hirap talaga ng ganito(not to mention kung ano man ung ganito)...hehehe :D anyway, this morning when i unlocked mah PC--coz im not shutting down mah PC every after work, every friday lang bagal kasi eh...la lang, share ko lang...tpos yun nga, wala lang na-unlock lang siya..hehe,joke =P yun--i saw an email from an officemate, something to read of coarse...siyempre not that busy naman ang lola nyo kaya binasa ko naman...enlightening naman siya, about relationships & reality in life...kaya cocomment lang ako, commentator ako e..wala ng aangal blog ko toh eh la na kayo magagawa!!! hahaha!!!sabi dun...
**"Can a man and a woman just be friends?"**--defenitely yes! y not daba?!
**"Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na."**--korak! wag magfeeling mga lolo at mga lola baka ang ending lang nyan is "waiting in vain"...wag assuming, actually sometimes its better to be manhid na lang ng onti coz there might be a tendency that you're goin' to assume pero di nmn pala, edi pahiya ka pa! kakahiya yun mga dude =P
**"Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na."**--yah, right!and come to think of it, kahit papano naman sa mundo natin ngayon eh may mga nageexist pa namang mababait na tao & sometimes sweet pa nga to all...
**"Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you na."**--nyak! ano ba yun?! exagg ka kung ganito ka mag-isip! sobrang feeling ka na nun, alam mo ba yun?! wag ganun...sige ka mamaya sa kakaassume mo na love ka nya & when the time comes na na-fall ka na din and then the truth pala is dehins ka nya love--aaaw!!! sakit diba?!
**"Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na siya."**--oo nga naman!love mo as a friend pwede pa, you admire him/her, ok lang din...but you have to take your emotion under control...ok? mamaya enfatuation lang yan, haha!!!and sayang ang friendship if ever you'll tell her na mahal mo siya, you want him/her to be your bf/gf then nung kayo na sasabihin mo "friends na lang ulit tayo"...waaaaaaaaah!!!may tendency pa na hindi na tulad ng dati ung friendship nyo =
**"Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of the time, you'd end upbeing boyfriend-girlfriend."**--self-explanatory nga naman...paalala ko lang nasa Pinas tayo wala sa States para maging prone sa ganitong situation na magkabanggan lang sa bangketa, halikan to the max na then puff...sila na! hindi ganun dito, siguro may iilang ganun dito sa'tin pero ewan ko lang kung nasa matinong pagiisip yung mga yun :D

yun! and oh..in addition to that...
**"Hindi dahil sweet sa'yo ang isang tao, love ka na niya & gusto ka nyang maging bf/gf"**--there are just people that was born to be sweet Ü
**"Hindi porket crush ka ng isang tao, gusto ka na nyang maging bf/gf or love ka na niya!!!"**--why? there are times kasi na 'til admiration lang towards you talaga yung nafifeel nya...Ü

MORAL LESSON: wag mag-feeling!!! =P

HappyThreeFriends Ü

2005-11-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

nahnahnahnahnah-nahnahnahnahnah-nahnah...
nahnahnahnahnah-nahnahnahnahnah-nahnah...
nahnahnahnahnah-nahnahnahnahnah-nahnah...
hang on there kids! =P

starring: orange, pink & blu...

episode ? - prologue ;))

haaay...everytime i see these cutie lil doggies on my desk or on top of my monitor =P, i found myself smilin' for no special reason...Ü i dunno what's the reason behind those smile but there's really something that these cutie lil stuffs tickles mah mind--or maybe i'm just insane...hehe =P but believe it or not, these doggies are sometimes the reason why i still have the guts to smile & relax under work preasure--a lil secret to avoid bein' "windang" -->smile Ü they give color into mah life 'coz they're colorful--huh, koneksyon -->*<-- ?! hehe...Ü anyway, another thing is these doggies represents one of mah personality--childish...yes, that's right!so don't be shocked if you're goin' to see mah desk full of stuff toys &..ahmmm--wat do you call that-the lil figures of pokemons, action figures?!...whatever! anyway, yah, sometimes i act like a child that some pips misunderstood that's why they keep on tellin' me "hey, be matured!" ...but you know what, most of the people who keeps on tellin' me that were the ones who are not that matured enough (hehe...nahalata ko lang) ...but eventhough how immature mah act is--i can say that mah mind is matured enough(stupid lang sometimes =P) to handle the trials that this playful world of ours could bring...so for those people who wants to judge me for bein' a childish, this i'll tell you--"I DON'T CARE" (taray ng lola--kuno!) Ü haay..its so hard talaga to make panggap! kung ano ano nang sumasapi sa sarili...just like what i am now! waaaaaaaaaaah!!! and oh, i forgot to mention, praning ako sometimes, count this day as one of that "sometimes" (gaano kadalas ang minsan? :D)... Ü oh well..what can i do?! I AM ME, this is me...and how lucky i am to be me!Ü